Canadian Writers Take on the Grey Cup :(

[Rammer]

an Mendes explains his Top 10 reasons for not watching the Grey Cup.
Roughriders slot back Fantuz celebrates his touchdown against the Alouettes with teammate Bagg.
Roughriders slot back Fantuz celebrates his touchdown against the Alouettes with teammate Bagg.

I've had a hard time writing a blog since I came home from the World Series.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Kurt Russell in a room where Derek Jeter was spraying his teammates with champagne.

Coming back to cover the Senators and Devils was a cold slap in the face. But I've now mentally recovered and I'm ready to re-enter the blogosphere.

As I'm on my way to San Jose, I was going to write about Dany Heatley. But sitting in the Toronto airport waiting for my connection to the west coast on Sunday night, I was struck by something as I ate my chicken fingers inside the pub: Not a single TV was tuned into the Grey Cup.

All the sets were showing a variety of football games, including everyone's favourite: Tennessee and Arizona. But even as the clock passed 6:30 p.m. ET, not a single person in the bar made a noise to change the channel.

And then it dawned on me: I wouldn't switch an NFL game for the Grey Cup either.

You would think I would be the purrfect candidate for the CFL. I'm a huge sports fan inside that coveted 18-34 demographic that makes marketing wizards drool.

But quite frankly, I've never really watched the CFL and I probably never will.

The thing is, there is an alarming number of young men in the same situation as me. They are huge football fans, but have no time for the CFL or the Grey Cup.

Why is that?

I can't speak for everyone else, but here are my top 10 reasons why I don't make an effort to watch the Grey Cup every year.

10 - My dad wasn't a fan.

I've yet to do the hard research or get someone to crunch the numbers, but if your dad wasn't a CFL fan, there is a less than three per cent chance that you will grow up following the game. Factor in that we didn't grow up with any family members in the Prairies and it's pretty much a recipe for a non-CFL household.

9 - Lame commercials.

I can usually convince my wife to watch some of the Super Bowl by enticing her with the potential for a vast array of witty commercials. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for the Grey Cup. In the past, I could at least get worked up and angry about the Canadian Tire guy.

But ever since he's left the picture, the advertising scene in Canada has been relegated to a series of lame commercials about windshield replacements, mixed in with the latest offering from Tim Hortons.

I wonder what the new soup of the month will be - French Onion or Creamy Broccoli? The suspense is killing me.

8 - The Sunday Night Test.

The Grey Cup doesn't pass my SNT. You see on most Sunday nights, I have to fight off a feeling of terrible sadness. I don't know why, but Sunday nights are downright depressing. Just hearing that clock ticking on "60 Minutes" is enough to give me a lump in my throat.

I've hated Sunday nights since I was a kid. The only times I can avoid the Sunday night blues is if there is a major event on TV to distract me (i.e. - Super Bowl, the re-airing of a National Lampoon's movie, etc). Unfortunately, on the night of the Grey Cup, I'm still left with a feeling of helplessness that makes me think I still have an essay due on Monday morning or something.

Anyone else suffer from this Sunday night phenomenon?

7 - Wrong network.

The game is on TSN and I'm contractually obliged to not watch anything that airs on that network. In fact, just by mentioning their name in this blog, I now have to do Rogers a favour and upgrade my cable package and subscribe to Chatelaine.

6 - The memory test.

The other day, someone was trying to remember who was in last year's Grey Cup. I said I couldn't remember and they were asking the wrong guy. After a few moments, someone said it was the Stampeders and Alouettes and the game was played in Montreal.

Here's the crazy thing: I COVERED the game and completely forgot about it. The games have no staying power in my mind.

5 - The Super Bowl is more exciting.

CFL fans will always tell you that the Grey Cup game is closer and more exciting than the Super Bowl. That used to be true when the 49ers were blowing out shady Stan Humphries and the Chargers, but it's not the case any more.

The last six Grey Cups have been decided by an average of eight points. The last six Super Bowls have been even tighter - decided by six points on average. And recent Super Bowls have come down to the last two minutes, making household names out of David Tyree, Santonio Holmes and Adam Viniteri.

CFL fans have lost their top argument as to why the Grey Cup is better than the Super Bowl.

4 - Point Taken.

CFL fans will tell you that the greatest Grey Cup game ever played was the 1989 tilt between Hamilton and Saskatchewan. Dave Ridgeway kicked a game-winning field goal as time expired to give his team a 43-40 win.

But here's what CFL supporters tend to forget: If Ridgeway misses that kick and puts it thru the end zone, his team still would have won 41-40. And how weird would that celebration have been? One of these years, a Grey Cup will be decided by a single-point missed field goal and all hell will break loose.

3 - No party invitations.

Every year, my buddy Sean has a Super Bowl party and it's become pretty much an annual tradition. But I've never been invited to a Grey Cup party in my life. Am I hanging around the wrong people? Are my friends secretly having Grey Cup parties behind my back?

Doubtful on both counts.

Why don't the majority of sports fans my age throw Grey Cup parties?

Somebody please answer.

2 - Beer me.

My most vivid Grey Cup memory involves a beer can being thrown at Rocket Ismail when he was returning a kick for a TD back in 1991. I'm not sure if I'll ever top that moment again, so why should I bother watching?

1 - The horn blows.

That damn CFL horn annoys the hell out of me. You know the one I'm taking about. Every time Ben Cahoon gets a first down in Montreal, it sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher is falling off a cliff. Waaaahhhhhh.

Lose that horn and there is a slim chance I could start watching CFL games and the Grey Cup on TV.

[TheLionKing]

Those are the most pathetic excuses I've ever heard. Speaks volumes about watching a game for the commercials.

[nelson95]

and the point of this is....

Let me guess, writer is from...Toronto?

[CatsEyes]

Meh. One loser's opinion. Who needs him?

[B.C.FAN]

Another reason not to watch Sportsnet.

[CatsEyes]

and the point of this is....

Let me guess, writer is from...Toronto?

Ding ding ding! If you didn't say that, I was gonna-I could smell the smug eastern snottiness from here!

[TAS]

I agree with a few items; the father not being a fan, wrong network, lame commercials (not reason enough, thou), Sunday night phenomenon, and no Grey Cup party invitations. I think those are all contributing factours in the Grey Cup taking a 'back seat' to the Super Bowl by the metro-sexual, social-climbing, attention-needy, Canadian-inferiorority personality 'sports writer'. His other reasons are just a lame attempt to imitate David Lettermens Top Ten List.

[David]

I was at San Francisco International last Wednesday and Mr. Mendes and his cameraman were at my gate catching the same flight to Vancouver (I believe he would have been doing a story on Dany Heatley in San Jose and catching a connecting flight from YVR back to Ottawa). I was very tempted to walk up to him and tell him what I thought of his blog, but thought better of it.

DH

[CatsEyes]

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=wall&gid=2231207642

[sj-roc]

an Mendes explains his Top 10 reasons for not watching the Grey Cup.

10 - My dad wasn't a fan.

I've yet to do the hard research or get someone to crunch the numbers, but if your dad wasn't a CFL fan, there is a less than three per cent chance that you will grow up following the game. Factor in that we didn't grow up with any family members in the Prairies and it's pretty much a recipe for a non-CFL household.

Okay, this one has some validity.

9 - Lame commercials.

I can usually convince my wife to watch some of the Super Bowl by enticing her with the potential for a vast array of witty commercials. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for the Grey Cup. In the past, I could at least get worked up and angry about the Canadian Tire guy.

But ever since he's left the picture, the advertising scene in Canada has been relegated to a series of lame commercials about windshield replacements, mixed in with the latest offering from Tim Hortons.

I wonder what the new soup of the month will be - French Onion or Creamy Broccoli? The suspense is killing me.

Name me ONE other TV show, besides the SB that *anyone* watches for the commercials. Besides, most SB viewers in Canada have to watch a Cdn network simulcast that blocks the ads.

8 - The Sunday Night Test.

The Grey Cup doesn't pass my SNT. You see on most Sunday nights, I have to fight off a feeling of terrible sadness. I don't know why, but Sunday nights are downright depressing. Just hearing that clock ticking on "60 Minutes" is enough to give me a lump in my throat.

I've hated Sunday nights since I was a kid. The only times I can avoid the Sunday night blues is if there is a major event on TV to distract me (i.e. - Super Bowl, the re-airing of a National Lampoon's movie, etc). Unfortunately, on the night of the Grey Cup, I'm still left with a feeling of helplessness that makes me think I still have an essay due on Monday morning or something.

Anyone else suffer from this Sunday night phenomenon?

It's a very common affliction among lifeless losers.

7 - Wrong network.

The game is on TSN and I'm contractually obliged to not watch anything that airs on that network. In fact, just by mentioning their name in this blog, I now have to do Rogers a favour and upgrade my cable package and subscribe to Chatelaine.

Okay, some miniscule amount of validity in his case, but means SFA to Joe Fan, who number millions more than him.

6 - The memory test.

The other day, someone was trying to remember who was in last year's Grey Cup. I said I couldn't remember and they were asking the wrong guy. After a few moments, someone said it was the Stampeders and Alouettes and the game was played in Montreal.

Here's the crazy thing: I COVERED the game and completely forgot about it. The games have no staying power in my mind.

Of all years to argue this point. People will still be talking about this year's game long after Mendes is dead, the way people still talk about Jackie Parker.

5 - The Super Bowl is more exciting.

CFL fans will always tell you that the Grey Cup game is closer and more exciting than the Super Bowl. That used to be true when the 49ers were blowing out shady Stan Humphries and the Chargers, but it's not the case any more.

The last six Grey Cups have been decided by an average of eight points. The last six Super Bowls have been even tighter - decided by six points on average. And recent Super Bowls have come down to the last two minutes, making household names out of David Tyree, Santonio Holmes and Adam Viniteri.

CFL fans have lost their top argument as to why the Grey Cup is better than the Super Bowl.

Some validity there in the recent data. But game-winning margins are not all created equal; i.e., the comeback staged by the Alouettes this year would have been very unlikely in an NFL rules scenario. The NFL also makes a big deal about QBs having X number of 4th quarter comebacks but lead changes in the 4th quarter are not unusual in the CFL. We might as well tabulate which CFL QB has the most fingers.

4 - Point Taken.

CFL fans will tell you that the greatest Grey Cup game ever played was the 1989 tilt between Hamilton and Saskatchewan. Dave Ridgeway kicked a game-winning field goal as time expired to give his team a 43-40 win.

But here's what CFL supporters tend to forget: If Ridgeway misses that kick and puts it thru the end zone, his team still would have won 41-40. And how weird would that celebration have been? One of these years, a Grey Cup will be decided by a single-point missed field goal and all hell will break loose.

Yeah, the earth is going to spin right off its axis. BTW, there's no E in Ridgway. BTW2, the Ridgway kick was not the last play of that game. BTW3, everyone who follows the game understands the rouge rule. The only hell breaking loose would be in the narrow minds of those who accept only the NFL way of doing things.

3 - No party invitations.

Every year, my buddy Sean has a Super Bowl party and it's become pretty much an annual tradition. But I've never been invited to a Grey Cup party in my life. Am I hanging around the wrong people? Are my friends secretly having Grey Cup parties behind my back?

Doubtful on both counts.

Why don't the majority of sports fans my age throw Grey Cup parties?

Somebody please answer.

It's a very common affliction among lifeless losers.

Is there an echo in here?

2 - Beer me.

My most vivid Grey Cup memory involves a beer can being thrown at Rocket Ismail when he was returning a kick for a TD back in 1991. I'm not sure if I'll ever top that moment again, so why should I bother watching?

Of all years to argue to this point. People will still be talking about this year's game long after Mendes is dead, the way people still talk about Jackie Parker.

Dammit, there IS an echo in here.

1 - The horn blows.

That damn CFL horn annoys the hell out of me. You know the one I'm taking about. Every time Ben Cahoon gets a first down in Montreal, it sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher is falling off a cliff. Waaaahhhhhh.

Lose that horn and there is a slim chance I could start watching CFL games and the Grey Cup on TV.

To be honest, I've never noticed it or paid it much attention. But wait a minute. If you're not a CFL fan, then how do you know about this? How do you even know who Ben Cahoon is or that he plays in Montreal? And of course, we all know NFL stadiums and NHL/NBA arenas are golf-clap quiet.

Dude, the holes in your arguments make Swiss look like cheddar. At any rate, they are pretty cheesy.

[Rick James]

2 - Beer me.

My most vivid Grey Cup memory involves a beer can being thrown at Rocket Ismail when he was returning a kick for a TD back in 1991. I'm not sure if I'll ever top that moment again, so why should I bother watching?

Ahem! WestCoastBlueFan and Milky...

[OV - 54:40]

Hey, c'mon - give thls clown some credit: a classic little wannabe loser dweeb essay - and a fine testament to all the dorks who look down their noses at the inferior, not "major league" CFL - across this country, not just in Toronnawannabe land; because, as far as I can tell, they are everywhere up here. Nice job putz - ya tuning into American Idol tonight?

[ziggy]

What does he normally comment on, Ice Dance?

[cromartie]

Rule #1 for all media people: No one, and I mean no one, cares how hard your job is. According to the people I would presume you want to be your readers/viewers, your job is cake, and envied. And even if you end up in the locker room staring at hockey player junk four nights a week having to process the same double speak, your job would be taken in a heart beat by the marginally downtrodden schlepping his way through life in what passes for a service job in this economy. So when you write:

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Kurt Russell in a room where Derek Jeter was spraying his teammates with champagne.
Coming back to cover the Senators and Devils was a cold slap in the face. But I've now mentally recovered and I'm ready to re-enter the blogosphere.

You instantly lose all credibility, and turn yourself into an arrogant *beep*. The multitude of people who would tune into your work can afford to do neither of those things. To them, you should probably shut up and be grateful you can do both. And cover a Grey Cup while you're at it.

As for the rest of it, he suffers from the same sense of centeroftheuniversitis that most Toronto based NFL fans do. It essentially undermines the few valid points he does manage to scrounge up. Like:

My dad wasn't a fan

That period from the late 1970s through to 1990 or so when the Argos and Black Riders largely sucked and were blacked out more or less killed the sport to almost two generations of sports fans at a time when other sports were expanding. Now that's the basis for a fine blog entry for someone who can do some quality research.

CFL fans will tell you that the greatest Grey Cup game ever played was the 1989 tilt between Hamilton and Saskatchewan.

I'll take 1994 for the win, please and thank you.

I've never been invited to a Grey Cup party in my life.

The answer is obvious. Because you're an insufferable *beep* with a douchetastic sense of entitlement. This also addresses that sadness you feel spending Sunday nights staring into a mirror. In reality, you should be thankful you found a female taker. Or consider purchasing a separate television to alleviate that whipping problem you seem to have in being unable to watch sporting events in your own house.